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A First I Never Wanted to Experience

Today we learned that one of our students never woke up this morning. I've never actually had him as a student, but I have seen many of my students obviously affected by the news. He has a younger brother and sister and I can't help but think about Karen and her family.

Even though I didn't know the student, one of my students made the comment that he went to bed last night like it was a normal night. It made me think about my last few nights and how tired and cranky I've been from spending so much time trying to stay caught up on school work and from conferences on Tuesday. It really puts everything into perspective.

As a teacher, it's hard to know how to act and how to react. Some classes were going to be taking a test today. As soon as I saw one of my girls crying and a few boys looking as if they had been crying, I knew I didn't want to give them their test. We worry so much about the schedule and so much about our plan, but now two kids have lost their big brother and tons of other students have either lost a friend or a best friend. A lot of my sophomore were really good friends with the younger brother of the student who passed away and they were feeling pain for the family.

I have no idea if the student was a Christian or not, but it breaks my heart to think about how many of my students are like zombies right now, walking around dead without knowing there's Hope. Something like this can happen at any time. It's so frustrating not being able to talk about Jesus. I imagine this student's death has the rest of the students thinking about some of the big questions about life and death and their purpose in the world. I want to allow God to use me however he wants to to hopefully make a difference in more than just these kids' math educations. I just wish I was better about having conversations with them today about what happened. I don't feel like I have any idea what to say, but I guess Moses was the same way, and that didn't stop God from using him to complete his plan.

I was encouraged to hear some of my students talking about how they still believe very strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that there will always be good even in the midst of tragedy.

I was also encouraged when one boy made a joke right after we found out about the news. Another student started to get mad and asked how he could possibly make a joke, but the class was quick to point out that everyone handles things they don't really know how to deal with differently. Some people cry and share stories, some people pretend it didn't happen and put their minds on something else completely, some people try to be funny because they don't know how else to deal with it. It was awesome to hear my students trying to support each other and find understanding amid their differences.

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