I recently got an email about a student who wanted to switch out of my class and into a different one. The reason wasn't personal in nature, but had to do with a disagreement in how I grade and some of my expectations. That's not the point of this blog post, though.
My first reaction was extreme annoyance. "I'm incredibly busy and I have to waste my time justifying something that is so common in math education that no one dare question it..." This was my general attitude for about a week. I complained and thought of every reason under the sun why I was right and this student (and his parent who initiated the meeting) were wrong and being illogical.
The night before our scheduled meeting I started asking myself what the purpose of the meeting was. I realized that in my heart I wanted these people to feel stupid maybe in return for "wasting my time?" That's absolutely not something I'm proud of, but it's what was inside me.
Next, two things came to mind.
1. "Words" - the song by Hawk Nelson
2. The Bible verse that says "Speak the truth in love."
I felt convicted... It wasn't a great feeling, but I realized that, while I do believe in my grading practices and they are supported by peers and research, this parent was just trying to understand why her child was getting low grades when he's pretty intelligent--especially when it comes to math.
I realized that my goal should be instead to speak honestly and truthfully from my perspective as a teacher because I have certain requirements to help the students be more successful both in my class and in life after my class. If I didn't really care about my students learning math or being good communicators after high school, I wouldn't have the requirement that I do. I prayed quite a bit that night that I would be humble in my position and show the student and his mom the honest truth about why I have the requirement that I do without trying to make them feel "wrong." I realized it would be much better if we all walked away from the meeting with a better understanding of each other.
Well, the meeting went pretty well. I was able to share why I have the expectations that I do, and the student, while he disagreed with me, realized that he would be in the same boat with any of the math teachers. We talked about some ways that we can work together to make it easier for him to do what's asked, and I hope we all left at least agreeing to disagree and that, while my expectation wasn't going anywhere, I had a reason for expecting it and wasn't just trying to make this students life more difficult.
My first reaction was extreme annoyance. "I'm incredibly busy and I have to waste my time justifying something that is so common in math education that no one dare question it..." This was my general attitude for about a week. I complained and thought of every reason under the sun why I was right and this student (and his parent who initiated the meeting) were wrong and being illogical.
The night before our scheduled meeting I started asking myself what the purpose of the meeting was. I realized that in my heart I wanted these people to feel stupid maybe in return for "wasting my time?" That's absolutely not something I'm proud of, but it's what was inside me.
Next, two things came to mind.
1. "Words" - the song by Hawk Nelson
2. The Bible verse that says "Speak the truth in love."
I felt convicted... It wasn't a great feeling, but I realized that, while I do believe in my grading practices and they are supported by peers and research, this parent was just trying to understand why her child was getting low grades when he's pretty intelligent--especially when it comes to math.
I realized that my goal should be instead to speak honestly and truthfully from my perspective as a teacher because I have certain requirements to help the students be more successful both in my class and in life after my class. If I didn't really care about my students learning math or being good communicators after high school, I wouldn't have the requirement that I do. I prayed quite a bit that night that I would be humble in my position and show the student and his mom the honest truth about why I have the requirement that I do without trying to make them feel "wrong." I realized it would be much better if we all walked away from the meeting with a better understanding of each other.
Well, the meeting went pretty well. I was able to share why I have the expectations that I do, and the student, while he disagreed with me, realized that he would be in the same boat with any of the math teachers. We talked about some ways that we can work together to make it easier for him to do what's asked, and I hope we all left at least agreeing to disagree and that, while my expectation wasn't going anywhere, I had a reason for expecting it and wasn't just trying to make this students life more difficult.
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